Pt. 3 Lies of the Devil - It's just sex

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, welcome to God’s living room,

I have been avoiding a message on the topic that we are going to be talking about today for about three years now. And before this is over some might be angry, mad, bothered to name a few. I came here thinking that so many college students had the whole sex thing rammed down their throats in youth group that to say it again would be a huge bore. But in the last three years I have come to realize that most college students, even with a Christian background, never really went to youth group in the first place. And that sex and thoughts of sex and pornography are eating way at the fabric of society.

The devil lies and says, “It’s just sex.” Sarah, not her real name, bought into that lie. She went to an ALHS and one night being kinda teenage girl wild slept with hey boyfriend who also went to ALHS. After a lot of guilt and shame, and some of that guilt and shame was caused because she wanted more. She moved on. Until her sophomore year of college when she and a guy friend, not her boyfriend, decided that they would just have sex. No emotion was to be involved. They would just fulfill their base needs. And I bet there a lot of guys out there, going where is this girl in my life. And that’s cause your pigs. Well, Sarah, being a typical girl, that is emotional. Ended falling for this guy hard, who at the end of the day, just wanted to have sex with her. Studies show that 60% of married men and about 43% of married women will have an affair. And for a lot of them, it is because they got some practice before they got started (before marriage).

It’s just sex. It’s just porn. We are consenting adults. Today we are going to look at some false beliefs based on the lie of “it is just sex,” that will ruin intimacy in your marriage now or for those not married that will ruin it for you later. 1) I can relax now. In 2 Samuel 11, we run into a guy named David. David was very conscientious in all he did. He was a phenomenal musician. As an adolescent, he literally fought off lions and bears that attacked his sheep. This is the David that took out the warrior Goliath. He soon became a part of the kings entourage and became a valiant fighter for the nation of Israel. And one thing led to another and he actually became king. 2 Samuel 11:1 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem. Normally David would have gone out to fight. But he felt like he had arrived. Fighting was now something that others could do now. He already proved himself. The bottom line was he was neglecting his duty. Unfortunately neglecting one’s responsibility when it comes to marriage almost happens from the beginning. According to theknot.com the average wedding today costs over $25,000. But very little time and money go into planning the marriage. And let me tell you, if you have drama in dating - just wait till you are married. Guys here are some examples of you know you are neglecting your spouse when: what is special to her is no longer special to you. You don’t pray with her or for her. Girls here are some examples of you know you are neglecting your spouse when: you talk to your friends about him instead of to him. You are excited that he is spending more time at work then at home. I am going to give you a newflash here: Marriage is hard work. It is not just work - it is hard work. As soon as you say, “I will,” the hard work will begin.

2) I need to look elsewhere. One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, 3 and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" I want you to know that when David went to the roof of the palace, it really wasn’t to walked around. It was to scope the scenery out, and I’m not talking trees and flowers. He knew what he was doing. He knew that women like to take hot baths. Back at this time bath tubs were placed on the roof so that the sun would heat the water. When he went out onto the roof, it was the same as logging onto a porn site today. Studies show 70% of men visited a porn site this week. Porn is a 12 billion dollar a year industry. Let me break that down for you - that is $380 per second. Men are all over with eyes and women are starting to connect emotionally on Facebook. Hey, get your needs met by our spouse. It’s hard work and it is worth it.

3) God is ok with this. Having an affair - God’s okay with it. Looking at porn - God’s okay with it. Let me tell you straight up - GOD IS NOT OKAY WITH IT. A honest relationship with God is not based on, God I’m inot this so you like it. It is God what do you want me to do with my life. His word is the touchstone, not our rampant emotions. Verse 4 Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. 5 The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant." David was like, I will just have sex with her and send her home. No one will know. It will be our secret. Then like two weeks later Bathsheba got real hungry. She just couldn’t stop eating. So she ran down to the neighborhood Walgreens because she didn’t want to go to the pregnancy counseling center at the temple. Plus sign. She sent word to David. We are going to have a baby. Having sex outside of marriage, married or not and you will get caught. 100% guarantee, you will get caught. Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. (Galatians 6:7)

David came up with a plan. Because that is what we do instead of repenting, isn’t it. Come up with a plan. So he sends for Uriah for the battle lines. Uriah gets home and chats with David, they have been friends for a long time. And then David sends Uriah home to be with Bathsheba his wife. But Uriah sleeps outside. He wouldn’t go home. He couldn’t allow himself to be with his wife while his fellow soldiers were out fighting. You see, Uriah had integrity. David had none. And when David heard the Uriah had not gone home to be with Bathsheba he couldn’t believe it. So the next night David gets Uriah drunk and sends him home. But again Uriah won’t get in. So David comes up with plan C. He writes a letter to Joab, the general of the army. The letter tells Joab to put Uriah in the front line sof the battle and when the fighting gets it fiercest have all the army pull away from Uriah so he will surely die. And get this. David seals up the letter and sends it back with Uriah. Uriah is carrying his own death notice. And David married Bathsheba. No big deal right. 2 Samuel 11:27b says, But the thing David had done displeased the LORD. I can’t tell you how many times people come to me and say, God just wants me to be happy. I won’t you to know that is true until your happiness is sin and it tries to trump God’s holiness. That’s wrong. God is not and never will affirm this sin or any sin. So don’t even take your heart down that path to hell.

4) There won’t be any consequences. God loves me and so there will be no consequences to action. Hey, I love to eat. I could eat and eat. I can eat a lot of you put together under the table. But there are consequences to my eating a lot. I have learned to control myself pretty good. I mean, Jacky used to make spaghetti and I would eat so much, so quickly, that I would have a serious stomach ache for the rest of the evening right on though all the meetings I had. So God comes to Nathan and says I want you to help me out here. So Nathan goes to David and tells Nathan about two men. One man was very poor. All he had was one little lamb. It was precious to the man. The man kept inside at night and took great care of it. Some of you have pets and so you kinda know what I’m talking about. And then there was this rich man who had thousands and thousands of lambs. They were all over the place. He had a huge staff to just watch over them all. One day the rich man had an out of town guest come by. And the two began to celebrate. When it was time to eat, the rich man ripped off the poor man’s lamb and they had a feast. They had leg of lamb. They had gyros. It tasted great. Nathan asked David what do you think should happen to the rich man. Upon hearing the story David was furious. He burned. He had no problem telling Nathan that rich man in your story should die. And Nathan paused, looked to the ground, and then look up and into David’s eye. And said, You are the man. "This is what the LORD says: 'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.' " 13 Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, [

5) God’s through with me. I know for some of you, this has put you on the hot seat. And you are thinking, what’s the use. The enemy Satan is heaping guilt on you. First thing you are going to have to do is admit your sin or it’s not going to get solved. It’s embarrassing. It stinks. It’s hard. But the consequences of concealment are always worse than the consequences of confession. God’s not through with you. The uneasiness is simply God’s mercy calling you back. Do you know that in Scripture it says of David, the adulterer, the murderer, the porn person, the lack of self-controlled one, that he was a man after God’s own heart. Wow. How can this be. It happened this way: David didn’t say to God: this is who I am. You are just going to have to like me. Nor did he say: this is the way you made me. David didn’t say: I just found my soul mate with this girl. David was broken by his sin. In Psalm 51 David says, Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. David was saying, I’m sorry and I don’t want to live this way anymore. He didn’t just say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It was, I’m sorry and I don’t want to live this way anymore. If you have no guilt over your sex sins, it is probably not because you are a pervert. It is because God is not with you. And that goes for all other sins as well.

Five questions:

1. Have you ever had sex with someone other than me?

2. Where have I become slack in my efforts to make you feel important?

3. (guys ask wives and then shut up) I think it is romantic when _______________________.

4. (Wives ask your guy) I feel most appreciated and respected when you ____________________.

5. Are you engaging in anything on line I would be ashamed of if I found out?

A lot of stuff here. This one was tough. But if God will save one marriage or a marriage to be then I’m good with it.

a] the son born to you will die." (2 Samuel 12:11-14) There will be consequences. If you are not married now and your are engaged in sexual activity or if you are feeding your eyes with porn, there will be consequences. There will be lack of intimacy in your marriage from time to time and likely too much of the time. It will eat away at the foundation of your marriage. If you are married and you think there will be no consequences, I’m just going to be honest and say, “You are nuts.” Your own household will suffer. Who suffers, the kids every single time. Mothers and fathers selling out their children to a feeling. It even kills intimacy and security among the children. You are messing up their marriage. They will pay for your sin. 

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, welcome to God’s living room,

I have been avoiding a message on the topic that we are going to be talking about today for about three years now. And before this is over some might be angry, mad, bothered to name a few. I came here thinking that so many college students had the whole sex thing rammed down their throats in youth group that to say it again would be a huge bore. But in the last three years I have come to realize that most college students, even with a Christian background, never really went to youth group in the first place. And that sex and thoughts of sex and pornography are eating way at the fabric of society.

The devil lies and says, “It’s just sex.” Sarah, not her real name, bought into that lie. She went to an ALHS and one night being kinda teenage girl wild slept with hey boyfriend who also went to ALHS. After a lot of guilt and shame, and some of that guilt and shame was caused because she wanted more. She moved on. Until her sophomore year of college when she and a guy friend, not her boyfriend, decided that they would just have sex. No emotion was to be involved. They would just fulfill their base needs. And I bet there a lot of guys out there, going where is this girl in my life. And that’s cause your pigs. Well, Sarah, being a typical girl, that is emotional. Ended falling for this guy hard, who at the end of the day, just wanted to have sex with her. Studies show that 60% of married men and about 43% of married women will have an affair. And for a lot of them, it is because they got some practice before they got started (before marriage).

It’s just sex. It’s just porn. We are consenting adults. Today we are going to look at some false beliefs based on the lie of “it is just sex,” that will ruin intimacy in your marriage now or for those not married that will ruin it for you later. 1) I can relax now. In 2 Samuel 11, we run into a guy named David. David was very conscientious in all he did. He was a phenomenal musician. As an adolescent, he literally fought off lions and bears that attacked his sheep. This is the David that took out the warrior Goliath. He soon became a part of the kings entourage and became a valiant fighter for the nation of Israel. And one thing led to another and he actually became king. 2 Samuel 11:1 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem. Normally David would have gone out to fight. But he felt like he had arrived. Fighting was now something that others could do now. He already proved himself. The bottom line was he was neglecting his duty. Unfortunately neglecting one’s responsibility when it comes to marriage almost happens from the beginning. According to theknot.com the average wedding today costs over $25,000. But very little time and money go into planning the marriage. And let me tell you, if you have drama in dating - just wait till you are married. Guys here are some examples of you know you are neglecting your spouse when: what is special to her is no longer special to you. You don’t pray with her or for her. Girls here are some examples of you know you are neglecting your spouse when: you talk to your friends about him instead of to him. You are excited that he is spending more time at work then at home. I am going to give you a newflash here: Marriage is hard work. It is not just work - it is hard work. As soon as you say, “I will,” the hard work will begin.

2) I need to look elsewhere. One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, 3 and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" I want you to know that when David went to the roof of the palace, it really wasn’t to walked around. It was to scope the scenery out, and I’m not talking trees and flowers. He knew what he was doing. He knew that women like to take hot baths. Back at this time bath tubs were placed on the roof so that the sun would heat the water. When he went out onto the roof, it was the same as logging onto a porn site today. Studies show 70% of men visited a porn site this week. Porn is a 12 billion dollar a year industry. Let me break that down for you - that is $380 per second. Men are all over with eyes and women are starting to connect emotionally on Facebook. Hey, get your needs met by our spouse. It’s hard work and it is worth it.

3) God is ok with this. Having an affair - God’s okay with it. Looking at porn - God’s okay with it. Let me tell you straight up - GOD IS NOT OKAY WITH IT. A honest relationship with God is not based on, God I’m inot this so you like it. It is God what do you want me to do with my life. His word is the touchstone, not our rampant emotions. Verse 4 Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. 5 The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant." David was like, I will just have sex with her and send her home. No one will know. It will be our secret. Then like two weeks later Bathsheba got real hungry. She just couldn’t stop eating. So she ran down to the neighborhood Walgreens because she didn’t want to go to the pregnancy counseling center at the temple. Plus sign. She sent word to David. We are going to have a baby. Having sex outside of marriage, married or not and you will get caught. 100% guarantee, you will get caught. Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. (Galatians 6:7)

David came up with a plan. Because that is what we do instead of repenting, isn’t it. Come up with a plan. So he sends for Uriah for the battle lines. Uriah gets home and chats with David, they have been friends for a long time. And then David sends Uriah home to be with Bathsheba his wife. But Uriah sleeps outside. He wouldn’t go home. He couldn’t allow himself to be with his wife while his fellow soldiers were out fighting. You see, Uriah had integrity. David had none. And when David heard the Uriah had not gone home to be with Bathsheba he couldn’t believe it. So the next night David gets Uriah drunk and sends him home. But again Uriah won’t get in. So David comes up with plan C. He writes a letter to Joab, the general of the army. The letter tells Joab to put Uriah in the front line sof the battle and when the fighting gets it fiercest have all the army pull away from Uriah so he will surely die. And get this. David seals up the letter and sends it back with Uriah. Uriah is carrying his own death notice. And David married Bathsheba. No big deal right. 2 Samuel 11:27b says, But the thing David had done displeased the LORD. I can’t tell you how many times people come to me and say, God just wants me to be happy. I won’t you to know that is true until your happiness is sin and it tries to trump God’s holiness. That’s wrong. God is not and never will affirm this sin or any sin. So don’t even take your heart down that path to hell.

4) There won’t be any consequences. God loves me and so there will be no consequences to action. Hey, I love to eat. I could eat and eat. I can eat a lot of you put together under the table. But there are consequences to my eating a lot. I have learned to control myself pretty good. I mean, Jacky used to make spaghetti and I would eat so much, so quickly, that I would have a serious stomach ache for the rest of the evening right on though all the meetings I had. So God comes to Nathan and says I want you to help me out here. So Nathan goes to David and tells Nathan about two men. One man was very poor. All he had was one little lamb. It was precious to the man. The man kept inside at night and took great care of it. Some of you have pets and so you kinda know what I’m talking about. And then there was this rich man who had thousands and thousands of lambs. They were all over the place. He had a huge staff to just watch over them all. One day the rich man had an out of town guest come by. And the two began to celebrate. When it was time to eat, the rich man ripped off the poor man’s lamb and they had a feast. They had leg of lamb. They had gyros. It tasted great. Nathan asked David what do you think should happen to the rich man. Upon hearing the story David was furious. He burned. He had no problem telling Nathan that rich man in your story should die. And Nathan paused, looked to the ground, and then look up and into David’s eye. And said, You are the man. "This is what the LORD says: 'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.' " 13 Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, [

a] the son born to you will die." (2 Samuel 12:11-14) There will be consequences. If you are not married now and your are engaged in sexual activity or if you are feeding your eyes with porn, there will be consequences. There will be lack of intimacy in your marriage from time to time and likely too much of the time. It will eat away at the foundation of your marriage. If you are married and you think there will be no consequences, I’m just going to be honest and say, “You are nuts.” Your own household will suffer. Who suffers, the kids every single time. Mothers and fathers selling out their children to a feeling. It even kills intimacy and security among the children. You are messing up their marriage. They will pay for your sin.

5) God’s through with me. I know for some of you, this has put you on the hot seat. And you are thinking, what’s the use. The enemy Satan is heaping guilt on you. First thing you are going to have to do is admit your sin or it’s not going to get solved. It’s embarrassing. It stinks. It’s hard. But the consequences of concealment are always worse than the consequences of confession. God’s not through with you. The uneasiness is simply God’s mercy calling you back. Do you know that in Scripture it says of David, the adulterer, the murderer, the porn person, the lack of self-controlled one, that he was a man after God’s own heart. Wow. How can this be. It happened this way: David didn’t say to God: this is who I am. You are just going to have to like me. Nor did he say: this is the way you made me. David didn’t say: I just found my soul mate with this girl. David was broken by his sin. In Psalm 51 David says, Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. David was saying, I’m sorry and I don’t want to live this way anymore. He didn’t just say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It was, I’m sorry and I don’t want to live this way anymore. If you have no guilt over your sex sins, it is probably not because you are a pervert. It is because God is not with you. And that goes for all other sins as well.

Five questions:

1. Have you ever had sex with someone other than me?

2. Where have I become slack in my efforts to make you feel important?

3. (guys ask wives and then shut up) I think it is romantic when _______________________.

4. (Wives ask your guy) I feel most appreciated and respected when you ____________________.

5. Are you engaging in anything on line I would be ashamed of if I found out?

A lot of stuff here. This one was tough. But if God will save one marriage or a marriage to be then I’m good with it.